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My mom was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer’s when she was 62. She died one week into the pandemic lockdown at 71 years old. I was responsible for her care for the last three years of her life, and it affected how I live my life greatly. Unlike “traditional” Alzheimer’s Disease, early onset is genetic. It’s possible my mom shared this gene with me, and there’s nothing I can really do about that. This thought just kept poking at the back of my brain, “what if…what if…what if…” I started following those “what if” thoughts, and they slowly changed from “what if I get sick” to “what if I never…” When I first started taking care of her, I was 48 years-old and dreading 50. I did the math and realized that if I carried the gene, there aren’t a lot of years between 48 and 62. I asked myself whether or not I wanted to spend those years in fear, settling for less than I deserve, and not being my authentic self. The answer was a resounding “No!” So, I got to work.

The first thing I did was spend a year taking inventory and taking out the trash. It was like Marie Kondo-ing my life. I let go of friendships that were toxic, resigned from boards and commitments that only drained my energy, left a very unhappy marriage, and changed jobs. People accused me of going crazy, but, really, I was going sane. Once I understood what I didn’t want and removed it, I had created space to figure out what I did want and to fill my life with those things. This was even scarier than letting go of the things that weren’t serving me. I call this process soul questing.

The first thing I did was open myself up to new experiences and new relationships. How could I possibly figure out what I wanted unless I experimented with new ideas and people? I tried to say, “YES!” to as many things as possible. I traveled. I read. I took classes in resiliency. I made new friends. I developed a crush on a man who I only knew on Facebook and I thought was all wrong for me…too young, way too handsome, too cool, he has facial hair and I hate facial hair. But, what I was really feeling was that I was too old, too not cool, too unattractive, too “plump.” When he sent me a message thanking me for supporting one of his events, I stared at it for a long time while I reminded myself about who I was trying to be before I wrote back, “It’s because I have an internet crush on you.” Long story short, he’s now my husband and my biggest fan and supporter.

As I approached 50, I decided to make a bucket list of 40 things I wanted to do before I turned 50. I called it my “Last 40 Days of My 40s.” Soul questing! A few highlights: I went to NYC ComicCon dressed as Wonder Woman, I saw Hamilton, I danced on a bar, I took belly dance classes and performed in public, I pierced my nose (something I had been afraid to do for 20 years!), I had a tattoo that I had gotten with my ex covered up beautifully, I did a boudoir photo shoot (I highly recommend this!), I spoke at the EDUCAUSE national conference, I drank a $150 bottle of wine that I had been saving (for what?), I went skinny-dipping, I raised money for charity, I started composting, I took a burlesque class, I tried fire cupping, I made a Will, I created a cookbook of my son’s favorite recipes, and I ate dessert without feeling guilty. By the time I turned 50, I was in love with my life! I try to find adventure and joy in every day; whether it’s listening to my grandsons telling me a story or planning a trip to eat breakfast on a volcano in Bali (I’ll get there!).

When my mom died last year, I was with her. I was holding her hand and we were listening to Elvis. Sadly, my mom didn’t get to do a lot of the things she wanted to do in her too-short life. I intend to live as much life as I can in however many years I’m lucky enough to have. Some people still call me crazy. Some people think I should shrink or live quieter. Some people think it’s inappropriate that I still love to perform burlesque and do way too many public displays of affection with my too young, too handsome, bearded husband. These are not my people. And I’m okay with that. Other people say to me, “I wish I could be like you,” and it’s so filled with longing that makes me sad. There is nothing extraordinary or magic or special about me. Anyone can be like me. Go soul questing and start saying “YES!” to everything that feels like it’s authentically you! One of my favorite quotes is, “Don’t die wondering,” and I don’t intend to.

Debra Howell, Director of Information Technology Operations, Cornell University Library and soul quester.

“Do you want to train for a 10K?,” I asked my friend, Gabrielle.

“Yeah, sure!” came her response. Gab was always up for my random adventures and hare-brained ideas, so I was delighted when she said yes.

At the beginning of the COVID lockdown, we had joined a local running group that had coordinated a virtual scavenger hunt. We were in the process of running some local streets trying to locate a plastic pink flamingo. It was one of our last items to find and it was proving elusive. This scavenger hunt had kept us moving when it was easier to stay inside, attached to our laptops and grazing in the kitchen cupboards. It was a bit of a salvation to have a reason to go outside, run around like children (masked, of course) and forget for a moment that life was not as simple as locating a garden gnome and taking a photo of us in front of it.

Once the scavenger hunt was over, I needed to keep focused on something. I needed a goal, a plan, something to look forward to. I’ve always been that person who is forward-facing, what’s next and exciting? With all the uncertainty in the world, I desperately needed a driving force to keep me motivated. The pandemic had cancelled the trip to France and the surprise 80^th birthday party for my father, work was remote and the lack of human conversation and contact beyond my little bubble was wearing thin. So, why not a 10K? Especially one that had no date, no race location, just me, my best friend and an hour and 15 minutes.

For 12 weeks, Gab and I met three times a week to train. We followed an app that led us through a consistent increase in time and mileage. We spent the warmup and cool down periods catching up on each other’s life and family news; alternating between laughing and cheering each other up.

We are both social creatures, so this new pandemic world was not something we thrived in, but I did notice something that gave me pause. Were it not for the pandemic, we wouldn’t have had the flexibility to train for this race. Pre-pandemic we would have been in our respective offices from 9am to 5pm, too tired or busy with other obligations to meet after work and run. COVID gave us the chance to meet at lunchtime and run over the Walkway or the Rail Trail. The silver lining in the last year has been the opportunity to shift gears and work (or workout) clothes to suit each of us to what we needed at that moment. And I needed to run.

On April 12 at 9am on the Ashokan Reservoir Rail Trail, Gab and I finished our 10k and celebrated with brunch at a Kingston diner. There were no cheering crowds, post-race banana or time clock, but the sense of accomplishment for a self-driven goal more than made up for all the hoopla.

As we return to our new normal, let us hope that we can incorporate the work-life balance and flexibility that the pandemic has gifted us. Let us strive as women to advocate for a healthier distribution of mental, physical and emotional currency in comparison to the expenditures of career, family and relationships. Let us all find our 10K and train for it.

Lori Krzeminski, Director of Business Events & Marketing; Chapter Advisor for Beta Gamma Sigma; Board Regional Representative, NY State ACE Women’s Network

I write this on March 21^st the chronological date of which spring official begins. Grass will become a vibrant green again and flowers will begin to bloom.  Both figuratively and literally spring begins for us.  After a year-long winter of that which is the COVID-19 pandemic, a vaccine is gradually being distributed to the global population, the world is slowly opening up again and we emerge to feel the warmth of the sun on our faces. This past year we have personally and professionally faced immense challenges, while navigating and adapting to uncertainty and evolving complexities. We have lost friends, family members, neighbors and co-workers. People have lost jobs and struggle to keep their homes and families intact. We have kept colleges, universities, organizations and places of business running from our kitchen tables, living rooms and bedrooms.  This year has been a time of reflection, one of which many have come to terms with what is truly important in their lives both personally and professionally. We have exercised resilience, tenacity, strength and creativity. We have shown our mettle. And now we move forward.

Nothing will ever be the same as it was before the long winter.  We must fully recognize that uncertainty and ambiguity will continue to be a part of our lives.  Let’s stop using the word normal and embrace uncertainty.  The world we live in is dynamic and continually changing. We cannot find comfort in complacency and stagnation if we are to thrive, not just survive.  To thrive we must be adaptable and learn the art of the pivot.  What are the risks that we are willing to take to grow, to continually renew professionally and personally?  How will we choose to be authentic and choose to align ourselves with the opportunities that allow us to flourish and blossom?  How will we cultivate a growth mindset? How will we find opportunity in the face of crisis and adversity?

Kenya Nyota Lee is a higher education administrator, doctoral student at Northeastern University and the NYC Regional Coordinator of the New York ACE Women’s Network.

There is something magical about the time of year when winter begins to wane, the days get longer, and tulip bulbs emerge from the surface of the ground. I believe it is the same with me.  Spring is the time of year I awaken from the winter slog and step into physical, spiritual and emotional renewal.  It is also the time of year that I pull my bicycle out of the garage and abandon the stationary bike in my basement.  As I did last spring, in an effort to escape from the pandemic lockdown and the pressure to clean one more surface in my house, my husband and I pack up our bikes and set forth on a local 10-mile trail in the Long Island Pine Barrens that becomes a weekly outing. 

Soon every Sunday despite the call of household chores, and life’s other priorities we brush off the bicycles, pack the mask, helmet and water bottle to wind our way through a trial where we encounter a sod farm, train tracks, airport runway, stretches of pine trees and a golf course.  During these weekly rides we will encounter a community of other riders that we wave and give greetings to as our bikes pass by.  This is part of a ritual that I look forward to each week that gives me the space I need away from computers, tv, cell phones and white noise.  These days there are so many things to be distracted by and worried about.  Concerns such as the health of family and friends, providing quality education in an online environment and remembering to take care of daily tasks persist.  However, finding the time to reconnect to the sun, listen to sounds of the whistling of trees and breathing in the smell of freshly cut grass awakens my soul.  When spring beckons you make sure to heed the call.

Lauren Tacke-Cushing, Ed.D. is the Associate Vice President for Academic Affairs at Suffolk County Community College. 

As I write about love of career, I think it’s always fundamental that I began with my positionality.  I cannot speak about something that appears external without speaking about the internal which shaped the external.  I am a Black, Afro Caribbean, nonbinary woman with locks. In this Black body, I had to first bring a love and understanding of my identities, the genesis of loving myself. Love of self, ensured that I was liberated, decolonized, and able to work from a place of authenticity, with character and from a place of integrity. Loving my career began with me understanding who I was as well as my value proposition. In my full-time job, I’m vice president for diversity equity and inclusion and chief diversity officer, and in my work as a consultant I help organizations to realize innovative change with emphasis on equity-centered coaching, crisis management, and dialogue processes using circles. In those two realms my value proposition is the liberation of Black and Brown bodies and the decolonization of white minds. I love this work because I’m able to facilitate discussions and witness a change in the way that new information disrupts what people practice on a regular basis.  And for me that is related to people being liberated. When people are liberated, they act in liberating ways which means that they disrupt some of the practices that make people in organizations feel trapped, feel that they don’t belong, and feel that they are not welcome. As important as liberating self and others is love of career, so is having clarity about who you serve and why. I think that’s the true Genesis of this love. Be crystal clear about who you serve and why you work for them. For me, it’s about eliciting the greatness in young people and working with a group of people whose passion and knowledge will change the world.  Additionally, the icing on the cake and a significant reason why I love my career so much is that there’s congruence between who I say I am as an individual, and who I am at the work. I see no separation or splitting of self between who I am and what I get paid for. As a result, my work isn’t work, my career isn’t just a job. It’s the thing that I love. Very often I’m told, “I don’t know how you can do this”. My response, “I do this because I love my work”.  Even if I’m in an environment that is challenging, dare I say, even toxic, because I love what I do and who I serve, I’m able to rise above some of those embers, as a friend and colleagues says, “to be the James Baldwin in those situations”. Understanding that I’m in spaces to be the change, to help people to be liberated and decolonized, is my work, and the work I love. The gelling and interconnectedness of me as an individual and the work I do, enables me to walk the talk with character, integrity and accountability. That the genesis of loving my career.  What’s yours?

C. Michelle Cromwell, PhD., Vice President, Diversity, Equity & Inclusion / Chief Diversity Officer SUNY Plattsburgh

Many times we believe we don’t have much to offer, yet we nurture and encourage others to embrace their gifts and realize their full potential. We see the talents and skills that others do not often see in themselves, yet we hesitate to see our own. This season, I encourage you to identify and share your gifts with others.

You may be wondering, “What gifts do I have to share?” Well, ask yourself, “Do I have the gift of encouragement, always knowing what to say to lift others up?” or “Is it the gift of writing, making the mundane sound eloquent and interesting?” or perhaps you easily organize huge events, are a powerful presenter, or have learned the art of making difficult decisions?  In the season of giving, share your gifts to inspire others!

Once you have identified your gift, begin formulating the best way to share it with others. Is it through an informal discussion forum on Zoom? Or a power point presentation with a voice over?  How about an online mentoring session with 4 of your closest colleagues?  There are a multitude of ways to share your skill; the most important step is to find a way to share it.

As you share your gift, you will become more confident, explaining the reasoning behind how you do what you do and tips to be successful. People will be inspired by watching you, and may begin to share their gifts too! 

Whatever your gift, share it with others!

Dawn Sohns, Vice President for Marketing and Communications, SUNY Delhi

Give Simply

Give simply this holiday season. This season is a great reminder that gifts come in all shapes and sizes, and the perfect gift is one given out of love. We all possess the ability to have a huge impact on someone’s life, and simply offering time to others may be the best gift to give right now.

Having a support system is critical when we are being stretched in every role we occupy, whether that is on the job, caring for the young or old, being a good partner, feeling isolated, or just handling the stress of our new reality.

The other day I called a colleague I had not spoken to since pre-COVID. After speaking to her for a few minutes, it was clear that she needed to talk. So many things has changed in her life and she was apprehensive about what was to come.  I reminded her of instances where she had overcome far greater obstacles due to her whit and tenacity. By the end of the conversation, she was more relaxed and confident in what the future could hold. As we said our good byes, she said, “I want to really thank you for calling.  You have no idea how helpful it was to just talk things out and see a new perspective.  I’m so thankful I have you in my life.” 

I realized that just listening and offering encouragement can be the kind of simple gift a lot of people need right now.  Making a call, sending a card, encouraging others, or listening intently are great are examples of simple gifts of time to give this holiday season. 

No one knows what the future holds but we can be there for each other as we go through it.  I challenge you to offer your time to others.  It may be just the gift they need right now!

Dawn Sohns, Vice President for Marketing and Communications, SUNY Delhi

Enjoy the November Vlog by Karla Jaime-Benitez

A lesson we all have learned from 2020 has been to expect the unexpected.  However, this does not have to be, and should not be, the only take away from this unprecedented year. If anything, this year gave us a chance to challenge and explore our own dynamic and incredible inner strength. That strength becomes more visible as we think about our blessings, as we practice thanksgiving and share our gratitude.

Recently, I posted onto my Facebook page a simple quote that said, “May your blessings outnumber the autumn leaves”.  I was touched by how many individuals messaged me to say, ‘thank you for posting this’.  I felt enormous gratitude for doing a simple act.  I was told my message ‘was a gentle reminder’, an ‘embrace of warmth’, a ‘needed reminder to count my blessings and to allow gratitude to be a stronger emotion than frustration’.  It occurred to me that we need to rebuild a culture of appreciation. Simple reminders about self-care, love and positivity go a long way.  Count your blessings and gratitude will blossom.

Here are five recommendations for bringing gratitude more fully into your life. I challenge us all to spend the month of November practicing gratitude.

1. Capture the beauty around you.  Each day commit to find at least six things that sparked beauty. Whether it is something in nature, an inanimate object, an act of kindness, or a message in a conversation; capture the essences of that beauty. Store it in your heart. Create positive connections. Experience the positive mood, feeling and emotion that beauty brings to your heart and soul.
2. Be a great leader.  The secret to being a great leader is quite simple. To be a great leader become a better person. When given a choice, act with kindness.  Set the example for others to follow. Model the way with love, joy, and gratitude. Inspire gratitude and happiness in others.
3. Express appreciation. Make it a point to say, ‘thank you’ and to share an act that shows your gratitude and appreciation.  Do not think, “I can do that tomorrow”; do it today.  Do it at the moment when the emotion of gratitude enters your heart.
4. Count your blessings daily. There are so many ways to reflect on your blessings.  You can practice meditation, keep a gratitude journal, commit to count your blessings each night before falling asleep or first thing in the morning as we awake.  This simple practice sets a tone for the day and supports mental health and well-being.
5. Make gratitude a routine.  Support your own well-being and mental health by committing to give thanks and bring gratitude into your life. With commitment and a refocus, gratitude can become a way of life. It takes practice to make gratitude a routine. 

Martha Jo Asselin, PhD has over 30 years’ experience working in higher education and is currently serving as the Director of the Center for Leadership and Service at the State University of New York – University at Albany. For eight years, she has proudly served as a Board member for the New York State ACE Women’s Network.

Strategic thinking is a critical tool that allows you to look at something through a different lens, assess how to improve efficiencies, create an innovative new initiative and on and on.

But where do you begin?

One way is to carve out what I call “strategic thinking” time each week.  Give yourself an hour each week to literally just think.  No emails.  No phones. No meetings and no interruptions.  Just thinking.  Sounds divine, right? I know.  I know.  You simply don’t have the time to give up one full hour each week to do “nothing” but stare out the window or allow your creative juices to let loose.

Most of us are moving at such warp speed that we don’t give ourselves the gift of slowing down long enough to “noodle” on a fresh idea, a solution to a challenge or think through how to refine a current process/system. We’re going from one meeting to the next with no time in between to synthesize our thoughts and before we know it Friday afternoon rolls around and we can’t remember what we accomplished that day let alone Tuesday morning.

Well if you do allow yourself this gift of time, it turns out you’ll be in some very good company.  Some of the most innovative companies in the world allow their employees this time each week.  Google allows their employees 20% of their workweek to do just that.  Gmail, Google Maps, Slack, and Groupon are just some of the innovations that were created from allowing uninterrupted strategic thinking time.

Now, of course, you don’t have to start with 20% of your workweek to be successful.  Start by dedicating just one hour per week.  Make it a non-negotiable time block in your calendar each week.  Same day.  Same time.

I would love to hear some of the amazing transformations you come up with!  Drop me an email at:  robbin@womenignitingchange.com

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Information about Women Igniting Change®

Robbin Jorgensen is the Founder and CEO of Women Igniting Change®, a purpose driven, global strategic consulting firm that specializes in women’s leadership.  They work with Fortune 500 and mid-market companies to develop integrated end to end strategies that help transform their women leaders into strategic business partners.  They are trusted by major brands including Microsoft, Deloitte, Oracle, Bank of America, General Electric, Vanderbilt University, the University at Albany and more. Robbin has had the honor of working with women leaders in 14 countries on 6 continents.

To learn more about how Women Igniting Change® transforms women leaders into strategic business partners for their organizations, email Robbin at robbin@womenignitingchange.com.